“Don’t throw it in face ” and other shit cis-hets need to stop saying

I’ve found that revealing one’s self is one of the most challenging tasks someone can perform sometimes. Cause at the heart of revelations people want to be seen, to be accepted, to have their truth recognized as valid. Having lived my life a member of the Rainbow tribe, I’ve long dealt with closets and coming out. Identifying as trans has in many ways pushed me into closets that I didn’t realize I lived in. That all said, I recently told someone in my life that I was trans. And as per usual, I heard ,” I accept everyone’s lifestyle” and “I’m ok with them as long as its not shoved in my face”. My listener said all this almost like a rehearsal , a disclaimer for their obvious homo and trans phobias. Deeming someone’s identity, their gender as a lifestyle is a very intentional method used by cis gendered straight people to denigrate someone. It makes a mockery of my lived experience, trivializes it to the point of being akin to someone who likes winter sports or someone who happens to go to clubs . The point being imagine if a Queer person said ” I’m ok with straight people but don’t shove your straightness in my face”. Or “I accept everyone including those with straight lifestyles”. A bunch of bullshit , no?

As the standard, as the default cis gender straight people never have to interrogate or take stock in their immense privilege. And then when asked to merely consider or recognize that people just happen to be different and it becomes an affront to their identities. They are threatened by the idea that the presence of a Queer person will somehow subvert their cis straight privilege. It’s a force that has larger ramification than one person’s prejudice or ignorance. It is the reason trans people are not as valued as cis people and queers in general remain tethered to a system of being less than straights. It remains the reason legislation continues to merely debate our existence and nobody cares if trans people live or die. It is the reason that trans women consider whether it is safe to disclose her identity. And I think on some level you realize it’s never truly safe but you hope people aren’t as ignorant as you imagine them to be.

People by and large do not like to be called ignorant. Most people will consider themselves to have at least half a brain even if they know nothing at all. I think it goes in deaf ears en masse when queer people ask for straight people to not be as shitty as they are. And while queerness is having a moment, there’s a part of me that feels like it follows contemporary Western culture of being primitive on the inside and performative on the out. People consider Queerness nasty especially for trans women and Gay men. The idea that we have anal sex grosses out the same straight people who eagerly fuck their own partner in the ass or who delight in being pegged. But somehow it becomes so much worse when the parties involved have penises. In 2021 ,folks who take so called moral and /or religious umbrage with queerness should just shove their hypocritical self righteous ass head in the toilet. You’re as shitty as your views. Google has so many thousands upon thousands of links to education for people so invested in holding up archaic forms of oppression. Interrogate what it is about Queerness that disgusts you so much. Learn about that “lifestyle” you provide disclaimers for. Or better yet stop shoving your detritus filled lifestyle in my face and those of my Queer siblings. We are fucking over it!

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