I was nervous and over it as I walked to my third period Humanities class. It was the class in which Kevin Booker, the gorgeous high school quarterback ass hole jock and his fellow asshole jocks reigned supreme. I couldn’t understand why they always had to flex, why they always had to fuck with me especially Kevin . I was not a threat to him, didn’t have popularity, wasn’t on the football team, was gay as I pleased. But I always muted myself around him and other jocks. Didn’t even befriend female students as much this year as in the past because it seemed to out me more. I couldn’t be too gay and risk embarassing my little brother who would receive reports of his older brother acting like a bitch. He’d had more fights than a little trying to defend my name. It made my love for my brother grow exponentially but over time the obvious of who I was could not be denied. And my brother had dreams of being Kevin one day. So I entered Ms. Davis’ class bucking the system a bit. I’d worn my fitted jeans and made sure to wear my long sleeve lavender v neck just above my recently discovered lil booty. Instead of mousying into the room, I looked directly to the back where a minion was entertatining Kevin with a story about the party at someone’s house and how so and so was a bitch. Kevin bored and looking up at me as I sat down interrupted his hype man and screeched in a falsetto “Okay Ms. Thang”. A few chuckles escaped across the classroom. Ms. Davis a rather apprehensive , slow dull woman didn’t even bristle. Feeling myself getting hot and just over it in my senior year , I turned back and said in the voice I reserved for Christopher Street and with lovers , ” Heyy boo”. The unexpected delivery as well as the gall made everyone gasp for a second before they all bust out laughing. ” Awwww shit Kev , he got you “, one of his homies clowned. Asian girl Sara said ” You go Raheem.” Even Ms. Davis reddened and forced a smile before she asked everyone to settle down. My heart beat and I shook slightly to myself cause I knew to challenge anyone, let alone a king like Kevin was grounds for a guaranteed fight or unrelenting social media bullshit.
Class ended a half hour later and I packed my shit as fast as I could . Algebra I was next and ever the annoying ass subject I needed every minute of the learning. I breezed through the teenage times square filled with every rep of the UN, saturated with the smells of AXE, insecurities, cigarettes and facades. I hated high school and had checked out so long ago. I made it to the stairwell at the end of the hallway when I felt that feeling of being followed. It was Kevin in his Abercrombie glory, the open buttoned cardigan, the fitted sweat pants that hugged his physique. It was amazing to me how gayness was sold and yet rocked religiously by its’ haters. We locked eyes on the middle landing and I said hi Kevin. He guffawed, ” You’re such a fag Raheema”. ” Thank you “, I responded unsure of this newfound confidence . My little brother Tyshawn was at the top of the stairs and gave a pound to Kevin as he passed and I tried not look at Kevin’s ass.
Tyshawn, ever the eager Freshman and looking like me minus 3 inches height and 100lbs gave me the head nod and passed me on the stairs. It hurt like hell to see my lil bro play me like that. I had to accept that no one wanted to follow in the footsteps of a homo, least of all a fatherless young Black boy in the Suburbs. I headed to Algebra late with a heaviness in my heart. Over the next few days, weeks and months I became gayer. I stopped trying to hide my soft voice. I bought and wore tighter jeans. I got back in the graces of the girls in my class. And every Humanities class, I stared directly at Kevin in the back. After that day of confronting him, he stopped fucking with me. But such is the oddity of life that in spite of how mean he was to me , I couldn’t help but fantasize about him. He was every high school girl’s wet dream, everything that was rewarded in life; charismatic , cool and handsome. He was every guy’s guy. And I thought it horrible how I could never have him, could never tell him I liked him.
It was the Saturday morning after the junior prom that I didn’t go to when the stars aligned. I was walking from Dunkin Donuts when I passed a red BMW jeep all gleaming and screaming Lil Wayne. I also caught the hint of some good weed and me not wanting to be nosy did not notice the window had rolled down and its’ occupant barked ,” Ay Yo.” I turned on my heel and faced the handsome, brown faced God Kevin with his red eyes. I said , ” Sup Kev”. “Get in Raheem” , he commanded. My eyes bulged a little wondering why royalty would bother with my peasant ass. I said , ” You sure?” ” Nigga get in !”, he barked with a little attitude. I got in wondering if I was about to get Matthew Sheparded. ” Come chill with me “, he breathed a little softer noticing my apprehension. “Ok”, I responded as Wayne’s Kush blared in the cool interior. “You want some?” he asked pulling off indicating the el burning in the ashtray. “Sure”, I said still in shock. I pulled the good bud nervous as fuck and hoping we didn’t get pulled over. We were very Black in this white ass suburb . Cleanliness was a must. Kevin bopped his head , rapping as I pulled and checked him out on the sly. It dawned on me that he had on slacks and a white dress shirt.His Polo cologne still permeated richly amidst the sour d. I said “how was prom?” Kevin responded,” it was aiight, busters really jocking the kid. You ain’t go?”, he asked glancing at me for a minute as he turned on Tree Ridge Lane, the street that marked our entry to the rich part of town. “Nah ain’t really for my kind ,you know? “I said owning my gayness. “True”, he grunted. We passed the strip malls, McDonalds, Wendys, Panera, Nordstroms and mansions upon mansions with private lanes and trees everywhere my eyes could see. I never passed into this side of town and was in a bit of a culture shock.
We pulled up to this rich money green 3 story Victorian house with gold hedges and a double garage with a long ass driveway. “Nice crib” I murmured in absolute awe. “Thanks come in” Kevin offered as I followed him in through the garage. The house was airy and pristine , looked like the houses in the magazines, all art works and shiny appliances. Kevin and his family was living large for real. We walked up a carpeted stairwell and entered Kevin’s room. His room was the size of mine and my mother’s combined. He had at least 50 boxes of sneakers . A large 56 inch flatscreen tv , a plush unmade king size bed all added to cementing Kevin as teenage royalty . “You ever play live?” , he gestured to the game system on the floor. “Yeah”, I lied although I had stopped playing video games four years ago. We played Live for about an hour and of course he busted my Knicks ass with his Lakers but I didn’t care. My focus was on his fine physique , his echoing” I’m busting ya ass dude “every three point shot he made , his hands moving so fast against the controller. I suffered with off and on hard on ‘s and a dvd on the floor called Big Dick Anal Whores was not helping my cause. After the third game Kev blurted out ,” Yo Raheem so you really gay?” Startled and blushing I said ,”yea why?” “I mean like you aint a ugly nigga or nothing . You don’t be wanting pussy?” he asked with a laugh in his voice. “Nah I like dick” I said owning all those words. “Wow”, he said looking like he was giving that major thought . Then he asked, “so you be sucking it and all that”? And I looked at his crotch and his eyes and said boldly ,”yea you want me to do you.” He bust out laughing,” yooo ,you wilding son.” Feeling my chance, seizing it and suddenly aware of my power, I said” well you ain’t say nothing”. “Did Tasha hook you up or Molly or Renee” I said listing off just a few of the girls he fucked with. He laughed again but didn”t say nothing. Sat there looking straight ahead gripping the controller tight on the pause screen. And I knew he wanted me. I got off the chair on my knees and crawled between his legs, he wasn’t looking at me. I started to massage his print and felt it growing hard straining against the slacks. He unbuttoned them still not looking at me. He was wearing gray polo briefs, slightly wet at the head. I rubbed my face along it , pulling my tongue out and licking his dick through the fabric. When his boxers were good a nd wet I pulled out the chocolate steel with the pink head and went to work. I made sure to suck him so sweetly and to let the meat gag me. I wanted him to remember this blow job. Kevin moaned so loud as I went to work. I sucked him from head to balls, gagging and slurping wetting the chair and beige carpet. I’d catch him looking every now and then, sensing the opportunity and wanting more I pulled the dick out my mouth and said, “Kev ,Fuck me.” “Nah suck it yo” he breathed. Feeling rejected and wanting him so badly I begged with my most feminine voice “please Kev.” “Fuck yo alright get on the bed”, he acquiesced . I got up off the floor as he got up from the chair. I tried to reach for a kiss but he leaned back. Understood. I asked him if he had condoms but he pulled off my sweat pants and the black panty boy shorts I had on. “Well” I said turning around . “Shut up” he ordered and spat on my hole. He eased his dick in and I imagined it like rubber burning. I squealed and said “ooooh” slightly breathless as he pierced my hole . Kevin said “this ass is tight”. I moaned as the pain diminished , my hole opening laying doggy style on the high school king’s bed. I savored this moment so intensely . I turned to look at Kevin but he only pushed my head forward. “Turn around bitch”, he ordered. And about ten minutes and 100 strokes later I felt hot cum coating my cheeks. I could only lie there as he pulled out and the warm cum started to cool. I lay there after Kevin got up and and went to the bathroom. Wanted to sleep in this nice ass bed . Wanted to kiss him . Wanted more of him. Kevin returning in the room with a gun in his hand shattered my post fuck blissful dreaming. ” You bet not ever tell nobody about this you heard “, he barked in the harshest tone. I was so startled and frightened. He had fucked up such a beautiful moment. “You heard me nigga?” he rushed towards me reaching for my neck with his other hand . I shook my head ,”Yes Kevin please don’t hurt me.” I pulled up my panties and my sweats and fought my hardest to blink away the tears that were threatening to scorch my eyes. He drove me to a bus stop in front of the McDonalds on the deserted wooded street. “Raheem you member what I said now”, he said as I got his jeep. I shook my head again as he drove off blasting Cassidy. I cried as soon as he crossed the light. “I won’t tell “,I said aloud to nobody.
It was a moment I’d think about periodically till I was 25 and living on the West Coast and saw an alert on Facebook, RIP Kevin Booker. The story was that Kevin had killed himself after his lover went to his wife about their affair. Under all the RIP’S AND SOB STORIES was a comment from a minion who wrote “Who’d ever know the great Kev B was a straight up homo. Good for that fag being exposed”. I closed my laptop weary and said, “I won’t ever tell” crushed and fighting tears.