Memories written 9/24/11

 

I miss those missed nights of twisted visions ,enchanted sights,erect phalluses and the sweetest poetry spewed by the lips of a deceitful cupid. I miss the tension the fear, the pain, the grills 

That rush of man love helping to temporarily drown my insecurities .I’m beautiful at least part of tha day. 

My mind fucked up off the sweet bullshit , my heart fluttering , wishing this shit was real and that after this night he’d call and we could chill. Relax in the crib ,laugh and talk shit  

Have sex, smoke a blunt sip from some cup temporarily a couple. Temporary feelings of love from finding a transient prize. It’s a wonder he can look in my eyes with his lies and mines . We both know all we don’t have and have is time . These memories are bittersweet. It is because of them I pay everyday.  

New barriers to the happy I seek but haven’t found yet. It stops the sweet from being so sweet, the sour not as tart as it seems. Guzzling drink after drink smoking blunt after blunt to try to get blue in the face. 

I’m haunted and happy, lonely and only looking for a few minutes more of happy and sweet bullshit heart fluttering imagination expanding overtime and I’m up at 3 in the morning, tears in my eyes  , missing the night life ,wild sex, the guys, the lies ,the lows and the highs