How had it gotten here? Terrance thought to himself in the passenger seat of the Impala. The dark streets of Harlem were eerily empty and the pinkness of the night sky foreshadowed the snow storm coming. The man driving had got him here. He’d been too much.

Ugh this fucking bullshit, Lock said out loud as the barricades ahead indicated the closing of the bridge. The further away from the highway , the more chances the kid would jump out and run. That could not happen, it would not happen. The shit stopped now.

Terrance hummed along to Jay Z’s ” Can I live?”. It like all the signs of the night spoke so eerily to his coming fate. He knew he’d violated. He just couldn’t help himself. It was all he could think about, all that he understood to be real. And he couldn’t and wouldn’t apologize for his crimes.

Lock flashed a menacing glare at the boy, the criminal, the wrong one, the motherfucker who had brought this on himself. It just ain’t make no sense, none at all. It didn’t have to come to this. He thought of the stares he’d missed, imagined the movement of lips, the stirrings in groins, the visuals that accompanied the foul brain on shitty nights in shitty overcrowded apartments.

Terrance glanced past Lock at the old block on 143rd. He’d moved from there a while ago. It was there he’d known a Lock before this one. The one who put him on, the one who believed in him, who knew his struggle, knew his lacks , who knew his shame and his pride. That one had made him strong and that one had shown him love. He was devastated for months when that Lock got bodied. Rumor had it, the brother of this Lock had done it.

Lock turned onto the 145th bridge into the Bronx. Dipset came thru the speakers, he turned that shit up amped, real live Harlem shit always. Something this punk ma-fucka knew nothing about . Real ones ain’t move how he did. Lock sparked a blunt as he drove past Bronx Terminal Market and onto 87. He knew where to go. Somewhere real quiet to get rid of the violator. “Ayy yo”, he said to Terrance after he pulled half the blunt, “hit this. You mind as well”. He watched the boy pull from it with his delicate lips. He laughed like a madman,” So fucking obvious”..

Terrance went through a variety of moods as they drove along the Bronx waterway. He’d been sad, had been regretful but something else was stirring in him too. He knew the consequences of being a Redcat and that other thing. He violated harder than the pigs on Rodney King. He was wrong as fuck except he also started feeling like he wasn’t. He always stayed on the block, around the way all day and all night. He was never short and fiends and squares alike respected his style. He wasn’t a flagrant , disrespectful bastard. He was grinding to care for his 2 brothers and sister while his parents dealt with they demons in the street. He’d been a good boy who had no choice but to join a street union. That’s just the way it was.

Lock went through motions in his head. This had been his lil man, highly respected, shorty always came proper with his paper. He was a good worker and wasn’t a slouch ass, half rat ass dude. The knowledge though of that shit, the knowledge that his protege’ was the worst of the worst broke his heart. His uncle Nuke always told him ,” Wanna figure a nigga out, get him wavy”. They’d balled out of control his treat at the Casino in AC. He had the works, bottles and bottles of Moet and Henny. They drank like them peoples during Cinco de Mayo. It was a ball out affair. Until he passed the fucked out.

Terrance found himself wrestling with his mind. They were on the highway headed up towards Westchester and Connecticut. He loved this man but he knew he was gon kill him. As a boss, as that dude, as the sometimey Muslim with at least 6 so called wives, what he’d done was the violation. Terrance had let the liquor take him there that night in the Suite. He was happy Lock hadn’t wanted to find some bitches like they usually did on trips. This trip was different though, just the two of them. Lock looked like a modern day Mansu Musa in all his gold and diamonds and Louis Vuitton outfit. He was that dude from head to toe 6’4, 230lbs of hard cut 6years in the box and maintained muscles, adorned with the rosiest chocolatey color. The man was a living god. The piercing brown eyes framed by the heavy eyebrows, the beard, that rich beard, in the center these less than full but succulent lips. It had been sometime during the night when he woke up and found Lock sleeping on the bed.

And the faggot violated me. Ugh for how long he had no idea, Lock banged his hand against the steering wheel. It almost made him queasy again remembering the disgust. It was like he was one of them mooks upstate who’d been to party time in the block. They’d be passed around until their whole asshole had exploded. It was a grotesque scene. All of it, always. Lock remembered stirring feeling wetness and motion on his dick. His heart sunk to all kinds of low when he caught Terrance sucking him off. He was too enraged to speak, just commenced to beating the boy down with a fury of fists and kicks and spit and kicks and fists to every part of his body. He stopped short of killing him barely cause this hotel was just too elite, cameras everywhere, wasn’t no sense getting bagged that easy.

Terrance still felt those blows, felt the gashes on his face, was conscious of the broken blood vessels, was fairly confident that his smooth yellow complexion would never be Neutrogena clear again. He’d earned it. His kind always paid. He felt in many ways they had it worse than them open fags. They didn’t have to adhere to the myriad of codes governing men. They’d abandoned them. It was something bout that train of thought that got him stirring as they pulled into an abandoned factory lot just across the Connecticut border. It had started to snow and against the Long Island Sound, the whole ugly scene was beautiful, Terrance thought as the car pulled to a stop.

Lock said ” Yo get the fuck out”. He needed to hurry up and get it over with ,storm was posed to be a bitch. He watched his supposed to be future exit and sighed. He never imagined doing this.

Terrance felt surprisingly steady on his feet, despite the pain that ran through his body. The crisp air always did it. His back was still turned when he heard Lock’s door close. Terrance felt in front, the hardness taking him back to the memory.

Lock said “walk towards the gate “. The gate that led to the endless expanse of sky, lights twinkling in the distance of the City and Westchester and Long Island. The water black as night. The pink sky letting the white stuff fall. ” Aiight sto-“,Lock started before a shot rang out. Right in his gut, another caught him right in the chest. And he fell back happy and regretful of all those target practice lessons. I’d taught him well, Lock thought as he let the burning lead him towards hell.

Terrance had been able to keep his piece even after the ass whupping. Lock hadn’t been thinking , too caught up in the emotions, one of his lessons he hadn’t consulted. Terrance hobbled over to Lock and knelt down tears burning his eyes as the snow fell. The life faded exponentially fast from Lock who could only grimace as Terrance kissed him full on the lips. His hands were taking the jewels Lock would never need again. And Lock was gone by the time Terrence murmured,” I always loved you.”